Ridicule

You say I am insecure 

but who the hell do you think did that to me?

for one thing I know for sure,

it's not at all who I want to be.

With all the laughs and ridicules

what the fuck do you expect to happen?

I want to know who made this rule,

To pick on me now and then

Wait scratch that line it's a lie

It's more them that, that's certain

You "don't know it" but you make me cry

I can't hold it back behind the curtain

forever and ever, that's fucking  impossible.

I smile and wave, the mask is worn

but what's going on inside is unstoppable 

for soon enough the curtain will be turned 

You will see the real me true and blue.

My question is, will I see you?

Mortal Mistake

Just wanted to say sorry for the spaceing, as blogger doesnt reconize indents. ): Anyway, here it is-



Once upon a time, there lived a goddess name Fauna. Fauna was set apart from any other goddess for the single reason that once she was born, her father, Zeus, saw her long fiery red hair, and became furious, for he assumed that her mother, Leonora, had cheated on him. Neither had the bright hair of the infant. Zeus then cursed her, imprisoning her to watch life from the clouds. The only way she could be free, was to become a lowly mortal and to end her life with the gods. Seventeen years later, is where the story truly begins.

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Fauna sighed deeply as she gazed down on earth. “ Why cant I be there? Among those with so little cares?” She pondered. She knew of course, the consequence for the freedom she longed. Her mother often warned her of the risks when she came for her seldom visits upon Faunas single cloud, and with the letters she sent along with Hermes. Fauna had the small feeling her mother knew of her longing and temptation to make that undoable choice, yet it didn’t stop her. She was constantly sending small tokens to the earth below, hoping, praying, that they would be noticed. It was such a dull life on her cloud., not much color besides the color she made by forming items and weather from thin air. That was a power she discovered a few years back. She remembered it as if it was only moments ago.
It was nearing winter, and everything was becoming gloomy and dull. Persephone had made way to the underworld to join Hades to pay her debt. Fauna was bored of the constant braiding of her long red hair, and talking to the not so chatty bird that occasionally flew by for a short moment. She then began to write. She wrote until her hands became numb. Writing came natural to her, she wrote poems and fairytales that she could only imagine the mortals below lived out. It was then, when she became so sad and lonesome thinking of the life she wished was hers, it happened. A single droplet of pure blue rain dropped onto her open book in front of her. She looked up, mesmerized. As a huge smile formed on her face then, her bad mood vanished, and a small butterfly came and landed right on her nose. Sadly, only minor things are in her ability , for she was there to bring small measures of happiness and joy to those who needed it most., and for pure enjoyment.
　
As the small breeze whispered through her hair, like a pebbled gracefully running across a river, she shivered. Then as she formed a small orb of heat, at her feet, she laid down to rest.
A few hours filled with tossing and turning , she awoke in a sweat. Her mind was out of the norm, she was anxious. Filled with longing for the warned life, she paced around the white cloud, covered in darkness aside from the small glow around the warm orb. “I cant live like this!” She shouted to herself. “I am an animal here! No freedom for what I truly desire! Its not fair!”
She wiped the sweat from her delicate brow, and called out to Zeus. “ Zeus! I know you can here me! Come here, please.” She begged. “ I have made my decision.” As the last words escaped from her mouth, in the far end of the cloud, a beam of bright light burst forth. There was a shadow, clearly of Zeus, lightning blot ready in hand.
“You awoke me from my sleep?” He said in an ornery tone.
“Yes. I’m Sorry.” Whispered Fauna. “ I wish to go to earth.”
Zeus smiled then, “I see. You are aware of the consequences?” He questioned, already knowing the answer.
“Yes.”
“So be it.” He said. Then taking his staff from his other hand, pointing it to her, he flicked it quickly forward, then it all went black.
In a daze, Fauna awoke to an unfamiliar smell. Grass! She had never seen it so close before! She bent down, chest pressed against the ground, and smelled the grass wet with dew, before she was startled.
“Do I want to know?” Asked a strange face. Fauna jumped, standing up swiftly, she patted her knee length dress down, wiping away the grass and dirt.
“Oh hello there!” She said in a cheery voice. “I am afraid I haven’t met you? I’m Fauna. Daughter of Z-” She cut herself off, she should know better then to say that! How much she has to learn!
“Fauna, Eh?” Said the mysterious boy. “I’m Liam. Are you new here?” He questioned.
Fauna looked around, she didn’t even know her location! She sighed to herself, then rubbing her forehead said, “Um.. Actually, mind telling me where I am?”
Liam tilted his head, clearly confused. “Well, This is New York City.” He said slowly, then added “in New York.” Then shifted his feet, giving a weak smile.
“Oh. Right. Silly me! How could I forget?” She said, trying to cover up her mix-up. She then looked down to her dress, then to Liam. How peculiar his clothes were! Look at the funny little dress with the seam in the middle, doesn’t even match the top and bottom! She thought to herself.
Little did Fauna know, as she was too busy being a critic of Liam’s clothes, Liam was doing the same. He looked to his stonewashed jeans, then at her faded emerald dress and silver bracelets and wondered why on earth was she wearing a dress, yet one so short, at this time? He then looked around, as the cold fall breeze brushed against his face. After a moment of awkward silence, he then began to walk his way out of central park. Before he was even five feet away, a hand grasped his arm. He looked up, staring into Fauna’s deep dark purple eyes.
“May I help you?” He asked.
“Can you help me?” She questioned, with her voice weak
Liam looked at her for a brief moment as if she was insane, but then cleared his throat then said, “With?”
Fauna’s eyes widened. She didn’t even know what she needed help with. She then looked down in silence, taking her hand away from his arm. They stared at each other for a short moment, then Liam looked back with a confused look on his face, then continued out from the park
As night was approaching fast, Fauna found a small bush in the middle of the park, where she knelt down. Taking her hands out in front of her, she attempted to make an orb. But, nothing happened. She tried a few more times, all resulting unsuccessful., before discovering the true problem. She was a mortal now. True, she remembered her past, but her abilities were no longer present. Curling up into a small ball against a cold brick divider, she sat alone in silence, thinking.
“What have I done?” She thought aloud. All the memories she once hated came flooding back; Her mother with her loving letters and warm hugs, the vibrant butterflies and flowers she had an endless supply of, the entertainment of watching earth all day and night. Oh how she missed them so dearly, even as it was only a day passed. She wept silently, realizing her great mistake.

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Fauna spent that night alone in central park, weeping silently to herself. She made the hast decision to leave the life she was blessed with, to go to one she knew little about., and regretted it. Take it upon yourself to learn from her mistake and be content with what’s given to you. For one simple mistake, could be the end of it all.

My scrambled thoughts on love

Love is a complicated thing. But if I have had learned on thing, it's that like just about everything else, I'm better at it when I go unseen.

My friends don't know much about my other life, and I don't like to tell them much about it either. But if you know me, you know things slip. 

I like to e-date. As crazy and lame as it sounds, I honestly think it's my only chance at love. I know I might be young, but still. I'm the ONLY girl in my class who doesn't either have a boyfriend or who someone is crushing on. No one has ever loved me. But online? they see me for my personality and they don't judge me by my looks, clumsiness, or stupidity. 

I treasure that. Its the one thing I like to count on. True, it won't last forever because whoever I date will find someone outside the virtual world, if they haven't already, and leave me. I'm at peace with that thought though. At least I had the time we shared. Because holding onto this e-dating gives me a small thought that someday, my non-pixilated prince will come, and we will ride off into the sunset.. never looking back.

Random Rant.

Some people say I'm addicted to the computer. Personally, I don't think it's that bad. I would play sports and be outside if I could, but I am extremely uncordinated, and look like a dork when running or anything. Also, no one I know lives by me. Many people say I'm loud and a bit obnoxious, but if I'm around someone I don't know im quite shy. So it's almost easier to just sit inside blogging, writing, or other websites, where I don't have to worry if I look weird doing something or if people are laughing at me. So until the day people see it's stupid to pick on me for how I run/look/talk/etc, I will be inside on most likely some form of an electronic device. (:

Challenge.

I yearn for the opportunity to face head on, new writing challenges. Because as we all know; I suck. I would love more then anything to do spoken word poetry, but i wont unless its assigned, because i dont have the self will to carry it through. I just hope that something happens in the next few years that allows me to do this.

Sorry for all the rants today. But i guess thats a plus of not having any followers? No one is listening, what else is new?

What to say?

Were to begin? Well, I recently dyed my hair, to a now deep red color. I LOVED it. Then- I went to school. I should have known better then to be excited about something. The whole day i had to put up with "Hey Carrot top" and "who called the circus?" Ugh. Fucking stupid of me. People are constantly telling me to have confidence in myself and not to be so damn insecure. But its like, how the fuck am i going to be totally fine with who i am, when i try i just get laughed at? Honestly. Middle school has to be the WORST thing since spiders. All it is is about 8 hours of laughter and ridicule. People are SHOCKED by the fact teen suicide rates have gone up? Ha! Im surprised they aren't worse. True, my life is alright compared to others, but still i cant help but get so down sometimes i wonder if its worth it. I'm constantly daydreaming of a new life. But, in order for a new life, there must be death. and that my friends, scares the fucking shit out of me. So i rather not talk about it. Chances are i will later though. So stay tuned. As for now? I will just manage day by day, taking in the comments, realizing i wont be shit, and being lied to. Isn't life great?

Discriptive Paragraph 1

I sit here on the edge of the brown warn down office chair, my fingertips resting gently on the dark charcoal keys, I apply ever so little pressure on every designated key like a drop of rain falling on a small sea foam green leaf on a rainy day. My eyes squint ever so slightly as I stare at the glowing screen ahead of me. I feel the muscles in my jaw tighten a tad as a warm smile begins to form on my face. Who would ever understand how one very plain comment could make an ordinary day, extraordinary? 

New Blog.

Hey (: My other blog was filled with drama and worry, I decded it's best to start anew (: I know it doesn't help with my last post, but I must abide by my blog title, correct?

Anyway, welcome to my new blog. (:

Killer?

Have you ever had a gut feeling that wont go away? makes you sick thinking about it? Keeps you up at night? Well I have loads. But this one, has been bugging me for a few days now. This person i knew, went by Rose. Rose was one of my closest friends, i told her EVERYTHING. She even knew my deepest, darkest, secret. One day, rose left for vacation, and along came her sister, Sophia, Who told me Rose Lied. About everything. Her Name, Age, Miscarriage, and Just About everything else. I told Sophia i wouldn't tell. But, I have a huge mouth, and it slipped. i told the person who rose had been E-dating. He was furious, but glad i told him. He then also promised not to tell, and we were going to act as if we didn't know a thing, like Sophia wanted. Rose told me when she was coming back, and about a week after that date passed, i asked Sophia, "Did Rose Quit Habbo?" Etc. Sophia replied that rose wasn't returning. So, i told her E-Bf, Feeling as if he should know. A week or so later, after word had gotten out to just about the whole place, Rose returned. I was shocked to be honest, and after having a shitty day already, i began to question her. Asking why she lied to everyone. Rose being rose, kept up the act, and denied it all, Even Sophia  turned against me, and went along with it. Blah Blah Blah, Shit went down. I was accused of not trusting her, etc. I find that insane because all i was doing was TRUSTING Sophia, But yet i STILL get lectured about that. I tried to cover my emotions, But i somewhat failed. I didn't know who to trust, or what to do. Rose pleaded, Sophia Pleaded, for me to make things right. Tell everyone rose didn't lie, and i was wrong. But i didn't. I didn't believe her. Weeks passed, then came the letter. Rose killed herself. I was shocked, and to be honest, i cried. I panicked. It was my fault after all, wasn't it? I could have fixed everything, made a difference, but did i? No. Crazy part is, there was a day a while back where i was so worked up, and i honestly had the small thought of the famous way out. But rose told me "Dont. I have lost too many people that way, and i cant loose you." Yet, she did.  I was really worked up about it, even though i was reassured the letter was fake. "Thats how she writes!" "I study this stuff, its a fake" "Its not your fault!" "Its CLEARLY Fake." They told me, and for a while, i believed them. Im still not sure if i do or not, its just too much trusting for me. Hell, I even looked up the death records from where she was from. No "Rosemary" Listed. I think its a fake, i hope will all my heart it was, but i still have that small voice in my head screaming, "Killer! Your a heartless monster!" But at the same time there is another voice, questioning "How do you know she isn't just messing with you? Doing mind games? Pulling your strings like a puppeteer?" And a third voice, who basicly agrees with the second by saying "All you did was trust Sophia the first time, they can't yell at you for not trusting them, when they are giving contradicting information!" And i just cant shake them. Now, I know after you read this, you probably wont want to hang out with me anymore, or talk to me, whatever. The truth needs to be unleashed. For its never good to Keep a wild loin in a cage, right? Anyway, i would LOVE any advice. ANYTHING. Hate me all you wish. But this is it. The truth.